Learning A Foreign Language of Self Compassion

The Messages I Grew UP With

Like many people, the way I learned to motivate myself began long before I understood its impact.

I grew up in a culture where motivation often came through self‑criticism, guilt, and the fear of disappointing others. Alongside that came the “shoulds” and a strong sense of responsibility: I should work harder, I should be more disciplined, I should not make mistakes, I should take care of everything. These messages were woven into family life, school expectations, and the norms that shaped how I learned to navigate relationships. They were offered with good intentions, but they also made it hard to know what I needed or how to ask for support.

Many of us know this way of relating to ourselves. We learned to push harder, to correct ourselves before anyone else could, and to believe that being tough on ourselves was the only path to growth. Kindness towards ourselves was not seen as a strength. It certainly was not seen as something we could learn as a skill and practice in daily lives.

I first read Kristin Neff’s Self‑Compassion in 2020. It made sense intellectually, but I hadn’t yet learned how to truly experience it for myself.

That shifted when I began practicing in community. Experiencing common humanity and realizing that my struggles were not mine alone softened something in me. I no longer felt like I had to carry everything by myself.

The Eight Weeks That Opened A Door

In 2023, I joined an eight week Mindful Self Compassion course for the first time.

It felt like learning a new foreign language.

Speaking to myself with warmth was awkward and almost unnatural. I was skeptical. I was not sure something so simple could make a meaningful difference. But I also knew that the way I had been relating to myself during moments of struggle or emotional activation was no longer serving me.

Mindful Self‑Compassion did not make me perfectly kind to myself. I still have an inner critic, and I still have difficult days. What it offered was something tangible and sustainable. It gave me a different way of understanding my needs and relating to myself and others with more compassion, honesty and self-awareness.

it is experiential, deeply therapeutic, and quietly transformative in ways I did not expect.

The Two Sides of Compassion

One of the biggest surprises was learning that compassion is not only soft and gentle. It also has a fierce side.

Fierce compassion helps us set boundaries, speak up for ourselves, protect what matters, and take courageous action when needed. Gentle compassion soothes. Fierce compassion strengthens. Both express care.

I am still learning how to access both, but they are becoming more available to me.

As a therapist, I often invite clients to soften their inner critic, reconnect with shared humanity, or find a small anchor in moments of distress. A slow breath, a kind phrase, or an image that brings steadiness can create space for healing.

I notice these shifts in my own life as well. Compassion has become a reliable companion as I navigate parenting adult children, my own perfectionism, navigating the realities of aging and the tender transition of becoming an empty nester. It offers a gentle inner support when I feel uncertain, softens my expectations of myself, and creates more room in my relationships for honesty, tenderness, and repair. I continue to learn and practice, and the practice continues to support me like a loyal and reliable friend.

Why I Want To Teach This Work

I want to offer others what was offered to me: a structured, compassionate, experiential path toward relating to ourselves with greater care.

This program is not about adding more expectations or “shoulds.” It is about softening the pressure we carry and learning kinder ways to support ourselves. It is designed to be learned in community, where we can show up imperfect, honest, and enough.

Lasting change rarely comes from being told what to do. It comes from discovering our own inner capacities in the presence of others who are doing the same. This work creates a space where people can explore those capacities gently and build practices they can rely on long after the course ends.

More To Come

If any part of this resonates, I hope you’ll stay connected and follow along as I continue to explore and share this work.

Stay tuned. I’m looking forward to bringing Mindful Self-Compassion into a shared space where we can learn and practice together.

A gentler and kinder way of relating to ourselves is possible, one small moment at a time.

With Kindness,

Wendy