When Fixing Becomes Feeling: A Reflection on Healing, Grief, and Self-Compassion
As October settles in, the days grow shorter and the air carries that unmistakable crispness of fall. It’s a season that invites us to slow down, reflect, and release.
This month, I’ve been reflecting on what happens when we can no longer “push through” — when our instinct to fix softens into an invitation to feel. In Psychotherapy, I often see how our urge to fix can mask deeper emotions that need space and compassion.
The Grief Beneath the Fixing
A client recently shared her story of loss.
After discovering running, it became her anchor — a way to reclaim health, confidence, and strength. So when an injury forced her to stop, it wasn’t just about missing a habit. It was grief for what running had given her and what it represented.
Those around her wanted to comfort her, to help her move on. But what she needed most wasn’t fixing — it was space to feel her loss.
In our work together, we named it: grief, anger, frustration. And in doing so, something softened.
Fixing gives us the illusion of control, but it can also keep us from being with what hurts. In psychotherapy, especially somatic therapy, we learn that healing often starts when we allow emotions to surface rather than rush to repair them.
A Somatic Exercise for Softening
I reminded her of a somatic exercise we'd explored in session: a quiet metaphor for how the body responds to pressure vs kindness.
One hand forms a fist, it represents our struggle.
The other hand tries to pry it open, it represents our urge to fix. The fist tightens more.
Then, when the other hand simply rests over it with kindness and steadiness, the tension begins to ease on its own.
Meeting My Own Fixing Energy
I know this energy well. It’s the part of me that organizes, solves, and jumps in to help. But with difficult emotions, that same energy can rush in with panic: We can’t stay here. Let’s fix this now.
These days, I try to pause with it. To thank it for helping me survive. To let it rest.
When I do, something inside me rests too.
As a Registered Psychotherapist, I’ve learned that the impulse to fix often comes from love and responsibility — a desire to make things right. But true healing asks for patience, presence, and compassion toward the parts of ourselves that feel broken or tired.
Invitation for Reflection
The mask of fixing often grows from care — from wanting to help others or keep things together. But sometimes, what’s needed most is gentleness, not solutions.
If you notice this energy in yourself, see if you can meet it with compassion. You can learn more about my approach to therapy and how I support clients in finding gentleness through self-awareness and emotional healing.”
Healing doesn’t always mean doing more. Sometimes, it means allowing yourself to feel, breathe, and simply be.
